"Why can't he get it?"

Frustration, anger and sadness are some of the feelings that I hear women express when talking about the day to day struggles with their partners. Women often come in to therapy because they have gotten to a point where they feel so frustrated with their spouse that they either want to "hurt him," or they want to end the relationship. Most people would rather avoid doing either and so therapy is seen as a last ditch effort to make repairs that will turn things around. Obviously it is better when an individual comes into therapy earlier rather than later but there are many reasons why people don't. Sometimes it is pride, sometimes it is financial, sometimes it is shame or denial. I find that often people choose to wait to come into therapy because they think they can resolve the problem on their own without the help of another person. What many people discover is that they keep trying to "fix the problem" by trying the same thing over and over again and we all know what that leads to.
So what helps women who have a relationship that evokes the question, "Why can't he get it?" There is no one answer to this question. However, women who feel frustrated with their spouse or partner may need some simple suggestions that will help their partner to focus better on their needs. There are times when individual sessions will lead to greater self understanding and insight which indirectly reduces some of the frustration engendered by a relationship. At times, but not always, it may be a good idea to try to include the partner in the counseling. When a partner is reluctant at first to attend therapy I usually suggest that we gradually develop a strategy that will help them to eventually feel comfortable about joining us for a meeting. Encouraging a partner to attend couples sessions is often less difficult than it appears.